Once a cheater always a cheater

You know the old adage, "ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!"

That adage holds some facts based on experiences of many people,  but does it apply to all? I have spoken to countless  men and the answers are YES AND NO! The reason being that no two men are alike. People think differently, have different relationships. morals, scruples,  Alpha types, and the list goes on and on. I read an article by sociologist Eric Anderson. The author of "The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and the Reality of Cheating" She wrote that "The 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is just part of the biological drive that men have," Anderson said. "The number one reason men don't cheat is because they can't cheat. And what I mean by this is, the more men have the opportunity to cheat, the more they will. The better looking they are, the more they will." Anderson said that the same applies to women, and while people may cheat less often as they grow older, the drive toward infidelity remains. To a degree she is correct, but as I wrote earlier it depends on the man and his psychological DNA.  Below are some interesting interviews with  people who had cheated before and were asked is "Once a cheater always a cheater" a true statement. The answers were... Here are some results Found on r/AskMen.

"Yes and Yo"

I have cheated. The answer is yes and no, for me personally anyway. Yes, if I have cheated once in a relationship, I will probably cheat on her again. That is why I break up with whoever I’m dating after I cheat on them. If I have cheated on someone; then there were many underlying issues in the relationship that I didn’t admit to myself, let alone discuss with my girlfriend. No, just because I was unhappy, sometimes unwittingly so, doesn’t mean I’ll cheat in another relationship. For me, Cheating is more of a tool used to sabotage an already failing relationship. The character trait of infidelity isn’t something that is impulsive and impossible to avoid. I feel that most people that have cheated are like this whether they admit it to themselves or not. There is a ton of interesting reading on infidelity in marriages in America. Really interesting stuff.  

"I was a serial cheater in high school and my late teens."

As for my 20s I haven’t cheated once.

I cheated on my high school boyfriend when I was 19 going on 20 ended up dating the guy for nearly a year and never even thought of cheating despite it having been a habit. We broke up amicably, dated around for a while, had a couple solid FWBs and then started dating my now fiancé. I haven’t even looked at another guy in a sexual light since we got together. It weirds me out seeing dudes in porn now because they aren’t the man I love. I will be the first to admit that I was a shit person from 16-20. I was the worst kind of liar and cheater. I think I outgrew it or something. It’s not fun, it’s an anxiety inducing and stupid activity. I can’t say that I won’t ever cheat again because although I hope and pray that I’m going to be with the man I’m with now for the rest of my life I don’t know if that’s true. But I do know that I will never cheat on the man I love this deeply. I just have no desire to be with anyone else and I respect him too much to let it get that far in the event that something changes. I think plenty of people do fall into that category. However, if some guy cheated on his girlfriend once when he was 21, then married a different girl at 28 and is now been faithful to the age of 45? I think his wife should probably sleep fairly soundly at night. People do lots of dumb stuff over the course of their life. The phrase may have some truth, but it also suggests that people are incapable of change, remorse or rehabilitation in any effective way. That’s not true in most arenas of life.

"No, it’s not true. I’ll never cheat again."

The woman that left me was amazing in every way, but it was one of those cases where I didn’t realize how good I had it until she left. The thing is that when she left my desire to pursue other women left also. I’m single now with no texting sweetheart, no cuddle buddy or friend with benefits. Just completely single. If I see a woman today that I find attractive I’ll smile and talk with her but then a switch goes off saying ‘no, walk away.’ It’s sad really. The reason why I have difficulty moving forward is because it doesn’t feel right being that ‘good man’ for someone else when I should have been that for her. This woman could do no wrong and I broke her heart. It’s been two years since she cut me out of her life and she’s probably very happy now. In cheating, I found that I did more damage to myself than to the woman I cheated on, which is why I can never be foolish enough to cheat again.

I think you will agree the answers are truly different because we are all different.

Some unfaithful partners are ashamed of themselves for what they have done. For some, betrayal is an act that they never expected to commit. The fact that they did betray can leave the offenders confused and humiliated. Often, the guilty parties are glad to be discovered, knowing that they no longer have to hide what they did. Foe some the affair was more often a symptom of dissatisfaction within a marriage. One spouse feels distanced and unattended, leading to an acceptance of affections outside the marriage structure. And yet others will cheat because they they choose to. For those the adage of "Once a cheater always a cheater" definitely applies.    

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My name is Detective Will - Be a Spy and End The Lie

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